the tallest & the fattest

USUALLY YOU WIN IF

1. YOU PUSH YOUR OPPONENT OUTSIDE OF THE 12 FT. DOHYO, OR RING

2. THE OTHER GUY PUNCHES YOU, PULLS YOUR HAIR, GOUGES YOUR EYES, SIMULTANEOUSLY "'CLAPS" YOUR EARS, CHOKES YOU, KICKS YOU IN THE CHEST OR STOMACH, BENDS BACK YOUR FINGERS, OR REMOVES YOUR MAWASHI (TAKE A WILD GUESS WHAT THIS IS)

3. BESIDES HIS FEET, ANY OF YOUR OPPONENT'S BODY PARTS TOUCH THE GROUND.

*NOTE: THERE IS NO WEIGHT LIMIT

*SUMO MATCHES WERE ONCE ORIGINALLY FOUGHT TO THE DEATH

RANK: 1st foreigner to be Yokozuna, grand champion in Japan

ON FOOD "I just breathe and I gain weight." (he also munches on the Sumo staple Chanko-nabe a high-calorie stew with soy sauce, soybean paste, sweet sake, chicken bones, garlic, ginger, sesame seed oil, kelp, dried bonito, fish, chicken, pork, beef, shrimp, clam, squid, crab, mushrooms, onions, tofu, eggplant, Chinese cabbage, seaweed, kim-chee, daikon, carrots, radish, spinach). Akebono also liked to throw in several hamburgers, a package of hot dogs, fries, a Pound or two of rice, a jar of pickles, a half dozen eggs, two dozen chicken nuggets, five beers and a gallon of iced tea.

ON CASH Akebono earned $714,000 in 1993. The average Yokozuna receives a salary of about $250,000 a year. 

ON SUMO "When you come to sumo, it's a man's world. You do everything: cooking, cleaning, washing."

ON FEAR "Yeah. I hate being scared."

ON SHIKIRI-NAOSHI "I believe that if you look at someone hard enough, you can feel what he is thinking. Especially, those little wimps that jump out of the way. You can see them looking to where they're going to jump.

ON GETTING PUMPED Chad liked to blast Snoop Doggy Dogg before a match.

RANK: Is' foreigner to reach Ozeki, just below Yokozuna; many feel he was never promoted because he was Hawaiian

NICKNAMES Dump Truck, Meat Bomb, Hawaiian Monster

ON YOUTH At age 11, Konishiki weighed 180 lbs.

ON MARRIAGE Konishiki's wedding to petite fashion model, Sumika, was so popular that a Japanese TV network paid about $500,000 for the rights and broadcast the two hour ceremony instead of the Winter Olympics.

ON DRINKING In a 1992 interview with Sports Illustrated entitled, "Meat Bomb," Konishiki denied allegations that he consumed 120 bottles of beer, 10 quarts of tequila, and 10 shots of whiskey on his 281 birthday. He said that it could not be true because he doesn't drink whiskey. Furthermore, it was certainly more than 120 bottles of beer.

ON DIETING Konishiki enjoys disco-dancing to keep trim, and even went on a high protein crocodile meat diet to drop flab.

ON SENIORITY Like many others, Konishiki was picked on as a young wrestler. In interviews he recalls being smashed in the face with a beer bottle by an older wrestler, and having to towel off and wipe (i.e. with tp) older wrestlers where they couldn't.

ON WEIGHT Konishiki weighed nearly 200 lbs. more than the run-of-the-mill Sumo wrestler and 50 lbs. more than the average Japanese household.

ON PRIZES After winning a tournament, he once received 1 ton of beef, 1 year supply of Coca-Cola, lots of gas, plenty of mushrooms and nuts, and several thousand eels.

ON MULTIPLE TALENTS Checkout tunes like "Sumo Stomp Sumo Funk" and "Big Big Love" on his rap album, Konishiki KMS (2000).

DOYO-IRI "ENTERING THE RING"

This is an elaborate ritual. First the 5 judges enter the ring with attendants and a guy with swords. Each judge and referee has a dagger (they used to disembowel themselves if they botched a call). The officials perform a ritual and take their positions. Cue a wrestler. Stuffed Poboy #1 enters with entourage. He wears a 30 lb. ornamented hemp rope and an embroidered $4,000 silk apron that he takes off to reveal his thong song. The Yokozuna claps his hands (to get the gods' attention), extends his arms with his palms facing upwards (to show he has no weapons) and climaxes by lifting and stomping each leg (to drive away evil from the ring). Cue Stuffed Poboy #2 who repeats the process. 

THE MATCH

The wrestlers face off, jiggle-flex for effect, toss some salt, crouch and pound the floor. stare each other down (shikiri-naoshi, trying to get into each other's head), drink water, stomp some more ... And a-lesplat-tat-on-fat! Seconds to minutes later it's all over.

In over 2,000 years, 67 wrestlers have earned the rank of Yokozuna.

In 858 CE, a match decided the successor to the throne of Japan.

Sumo wrestlers hold their breath during matches to maintain power.

June 2001/mental floss

Akebono Taro in Wikipedia